This Is What Happened When Someone Made an Impersonation Account of Me on Instagram

Imitation isn’t the highest form of flattery- it’s a scam.

Sketchy impersonation accounts: it can happen to anyone (who thinks they’re a big enough deal on Instagram to use a public account).

Yes, some weirdo from God-knows-where thought I’m cool enough to be an Instagram salesperson of cheap Ray-Bans or, in this case, an ambassador for a new “governmental” benefit program- isn’t imitation supposed to be the highest form of flattery?

When I was younger, I was taught that being hacked or impersonated online was the WORST THING to happen to you online- why? Because every bad move you make on the internet leads you one step closer to a pedophile. Public Facebook account? Using your real name in People.com’s comment section? Boosting your high score on Miniclip? THAT’s how they find you!

Yet, when my Instagram account was impersonated at 9 in the morning on a Sunday, I was unperturbed. This was largely because I hadn’t had coffee yet. However, shit like this happens to thousands of users at all times of the day, so I knew Instagram would have a pretty sharp and quick system and they came through- the impersonation account was removed within an hour and a half.

In that hour and a half of having a pseudo-Hailey roaming Instagram, I had several interesting encounters and thoughts:

• Thank god everyone could tell it wasn’t me right away. When do I ever start a conversation by saying “hello?” It’s always some variation of it i.e “heeeeeeey,” “hola,” or “what time are we meeting again?”
• I heard from at least 3 people I hadn’t spoken to in 5+ years (i.e when I last worked at camp)
• Isn’t it sad that an Instagram impersonator is the reason why people I hadn’t previously heard from in 5+ years finally decided to message me? After all this time??
• My 10 year high school reunion is 8 months away
• I may have to plan my high school reunion
• Who was in my high school graduating class again?
• If you know someone who can vote in North Carolina, get them to vote
• It is nearly impossible to get $50,000 cash instantly…unless you’re on Wheel of Fortune
• Whatever happened to [INSERT NAME OF PERSON WHO CONTACTED ME] and that [INSERT NAME OF LAST THING I KNEW THEY WERE DOING WITH THEIR LIFE]
• If I were going to make a new Instagram account, you best be sure it would be a Bachelor fan theory account. Not THIS.